You're sitting anxiously in the waiting area with your resume in hand. Your eyes lock onto the piece of paper you're holding. You can see yours hands quivering and once you notice that - the quiver becomes a shake. Before you know it, your knees are shaking. And you can't make it stop.
You need this job. You need it more than ever.
You glance around the room to size up your competition.
I'm so nervous, why does she not look like she's nervous.
I hate it when I get this way!
Wow, that man has the confidence like he went to Yale. Oh, he probably went to Yale!
What am I doing here? I'm an impostor! I don't belong here. I'm not qualified. Fat chance I'll get hired.
Maybe your nerves are peaking and you need to run to the bathroom. You dash around the corner looking for the first stall.
Busting open the door, you might just sit down and cry or take a breather in silence and peace or maybe you purge yourself of all the uneasy nerves.
Either way, you've been here before. It's all too familiar.
Why do you repeat patterns?
Why do you do the same thing over again and expect different results?
Are you stubborn? Absolutely.
But aren't we all?
The real reason why and this is the secret.
You're stuck in your past. You're stuck in your emotional thoughts that your body has memorized.
It's like muscle memory. When your body learns to do something some way repeatedly, it eventually goes on autopilot and you can do it subconsciously. Muscle Memory.
Like your golf swing, or something as simple as brushing your teeth. I'm willing to bet you brush your teeth exactly the same way every day.
And you don't even notice.
The way you put the toothpaste on the brush, whether you put water on the brush before or after the toothpaste, you probably start brushing in the same area every time. It's all done subconsciously. I mean you've done it a thousand times! You do it without thinking!
But before you can have the action of brushing your teeth, you must first have the emotion which derive from beliefs.
Even brushing our teeth holds beliefs and emotions.
How did you think about brushing your teeth when you were little? Did you hate it? Love it? Scream and shout not to do it? Maybe even lose TV time because you didn't listen to your parents about it? (Okay, well maybe that last one was me, but I'm sure you can relate.)
Now think of where you are today with brushing your teeth. Do you still have those same feelings? If you begrudgingly did it back then and formed that habit, you probably have that same feeling every time you go to pick up that toothbrush. And the same if you love it.
I know a person who brushes their teeth every time they eat something, even if it's an apple. Now, you could say good for them. And I will too, "Good for them," however, brushing your teeth 3-6 times a day, that person doesn't say they love it, they say they are scared, scared of teeth falling out.
Another emotion stuck within them.
The point is you have emotional thoughts and a lot of them are negative that are memorized by your body.
To break free, you have to unlearn these emotional thoughts and relearn new and positive ones to move forward!
I'm going to get to that, but first, let's talk science.
There are circuits in your brain that fire together. They fire every time when something familiar comes up. Like brushing your teeth, swinging a golf club, or the anxiety of waiting for an interview - However, remember your emotional thoughts come before the actions. So these circuits are firing subconsciously when your emotional thoughts start to fizzle up.
These circuits are known as Default Mode Networks - This is the voice in your head.
These networks learn to fire together, like muscle memory.
So to go from Negative Thoughts to Empowering Thoughts...
You have to Rewire these circuits.
5 Steps To Empowering Thoughts
Step 1: Become Aware Of Your Negative Thoughts
This sounds easier than said. You and I do a ton of things we are not aware of. We just do it!
So, I like to reverse engineer this step. When I see the result, and I am not happy - I'll start to think back, "Well, how did I get here?" And then ask that question again until I can find core of the matter.
This might take me weeks or sometimes months.
You have to become aware of yourself. Sit down and get to truly know yourself.
Have conversations with yourself.
Step 2: Find The Present Moment (Meditate)
Meditation is an ancient practice that I am the biggest advocate for.
If you haven't started your meditation practice, now is the best time! I have several blogs on meditation.
So, you have this negative emotional thought and you've brought it from the subconscious to the conscious.
Now meditate on it.
Because when you meditate, you will start to shut down the Default Mode Networks. The same circuits for years that have been firing together, they're best friends! Well it's time to make the duo disappear. Or at least quiet them down.
Research shows that when you "turn off" your Default Mode Networks, which is done during meditation, for the rest of the day the voice in your head will be piped down.
Meaning you'll be less agitated, less critical, less judgmental, and so forth.
This is like distracting the dog in your neighbors yard with a steak so you can get your frisbee.
Step 3: Plan Your New Actions
Now's the time! The scary dog that is going to bite you is distracted!
Review what you're no longer wanting to do and plan for what you want to do!
With time, you'll start tearing apart the nerve cells that are snapped together. Unlearning. The ones you've had subconsciously firing together all these years. The old you.
And you'll start rewiring the new, improved, and positive nerve cells together. Re-Learning.
Step 4: Mentally Rehearse
So, now you know what to do, your knowledge has given you experience and your experience now has given you knowledge.
Take your knowledge and your experience and mentally rehearse what you're going to do.
So that job interview that you're anxiously sitting at - Mentally rehearse that your calm, confident, self-loving, and you belong in that room.
Rehearse everything to walking in, shaking hands, looking them in the eyes, smiling.
Rehearse the negative, like if the interviewer is not so friendly, what will you do? What's your composure in an uneasy room?
This will give you the confidence to take on any situation.
But what Mentally Rehearsing is doing is priming your brain for the future. The brain will believe it's already happened, because it doesn't know "TIME." You're already there according to your mind.
Athletes and Celebrities have given a ton of credibility to mentally rehearsing, such as Michael Phelps, Oprah Winfrey, Vince Vaughn, and Drew Brees.
You can do this step over and over before you move on to the next step, and I encourage you to.
Step 5: Repeat!
Unlearning and relearning takes time.
This isn't hard. But it is...So it's hard. I'll rephrase.
It's like writing with your opposite hand. Sure, you can do it. It's weird, right? Is it legible though? Maybe you want to quit at it right away? But don't! Maybe you'll be better in two weeks. But it's got to be subconsciously good. That takes time and practice! So this could take months...
Practice! Practice! Practice!
Go over all the steps every day for as long as it takes and you will have empowering thoughts that break you free and on to the road of success.
So now that neighbor's dog has gone from wanting to tear you to pieces to kisses and love. She might even bring you your frisbee wanting to play as well.
Going from negative thoughts to empowering thoughts is not an easy walk.
It can feel weird even.
But the reason why you haven't found the success you're looking for starts in your mind.
Negative thoughts will bring you down real fast and the faster you can silence the analytical voice in your head and rewire the nerve cells to positive thoughts and emotions, the faster you'll find the riches you're looking for.